I'm sort of still in freak out mode about going off to London. Obviously it's going to be a hugely life-changing experience. They offer "debriefing" sessions with the school counselors for students who come back and have a hard time readjusting to life in the States. It doesn't get much more serious than that. Of course I look forward to all the neat things I'll be able to see and do, but I also worry about changes that will happen while I'm away. Changes to me and also to my family and friends. What if I come back and everything is different? What if I come back and I'm different? The little kid inside of me is comfortable with where she's at and doesn't want things to change. But the adult in me is crazy excited about the Sunday after next.
Studying abroad is supposed to "broaden my horizons" and "brighten my future," right? It'll be good for me. Get me out of my comfort zone and force me to grow up and be responsible. Because, honestly, college so far hasn't been super difficult, seeing as how I go to school 15 minutes away from my family and still live with my parents. Things have been pretty easy for me so far, because God has seen fit to bless me with so many awesome things. Decently-well-off and supportive family, full scholarship to a great school, steady job, fun friends, caring boyfriend. I'm super thankful that I have all these nice things to enjoy in my life. At the same time though, I find myself wondering who I am without them. Who am I, really? On my own, with my own strength, what am I capable of? Ever since college started, I've kind of wanted to shake things up a bit for myself. Do something crazy. Go on a road trip. Move far away and see how I react. I'm not trying to be ungrateful for all my blessings, and I apologize if I sound that way. I just want to test myself. See what I'm made of. Explore, and figure out what kind of person I am in my core. Am I crazy for wanting this? I dunno. But I guess that's enough angsting for now. Can't bore you guys for too long, eh?
Anyways, before I go, I wanted to share another odd dream I had, featuring this guy:
(that's Brian Austin Green as Derek Reese from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles")
And also this guy:
(Laurence Fishburne as CSI Raymond Langston from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation")
So it's morning, and I'm in my kitchen getting some breakfast. Langston is there, cooking something on the stove, and Derek is sitting at the kitchen table, eating his breakfast and reading the newspaper or something like that. I open my fridge and grab a wine bottle, because who doesn't drink wine with breakfast, and pour myself a glass. I go over to the table and sit next to Derek. I start talking to him about something I can't remember at the moment, but it's gotta be something to do with current technology, because he says "I dunno, I never knew anything about that." And I'm like, "Oh yeah, you grew up during the war, so they didn't have stuff like that in the future." He goes back to reading his newspaper. "Hey, can I ask you something?" I ask him. He puts down his newspaper and gives me a look like I'm about to ask him where babies come from or something. "Yeah," he says cautiously. "What?" "How can you tell when a boy likes you?" Derek looks a little stunned and says something like, "Uh, well... I dunno. I guess if he gets all quiet when he's next to you or if he tries to protect you a lot, then you can safely assume he likes you." And I'm just like, "Oh. Really?" Derek shrugs and tries to go back to reading his paper. I kiss him on the cheek and say, "Thanks, Derek, you're an awesome uncle." Then I get up and bring my half-finished glass of wine back over to the fridge and giggle, because I'm slightly drunk already. "Man, I can't believe I'm drunk from half a glass of wine!" I say as I put the glass into the fridge for later. I head towards my bedroom, as Langston sits down at the table with his eggs or whatever. "I'm such a lightweight," I say and do a ballerina twirl, which makes Langston chuckle.
That's about it. The dream was about to start getting into a scary part, but I can't really remember any details about it, other than there might have been mannequins involved, and at that point my little brother busted into my room and said he missed the bus, so I had to give him a ride to school. In any case, this dream was just really weird to me, because it was as if I was John Connor, but a girl instead of a boy (Johanna Connor? Joan Connor? Jane Connor? haha), and it also made me realize that CSI is starting up again soon. I also realize that if you don't watch CSI or Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, then this dream made less than a lick of sense.
Until next time!
~Becca
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